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Mother in Law helps with new baby

by JAJ (follow)
Anonymous (73)     
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Mother in Law helps with new baby

Hi mums,

I am a first time mum of 6 month old bub. I never asked but my mother in law herself decided and had come from India to help me post delivery. Instead of her helping me, I was the one working in the kitchen and cooking for everyone while taking care of the newborn.

I always felt I was very close to her but things started when I was still in hospital after childbirth and she said something ridiculous about my child and I started crying in front of her and requesting not to say such things but she kept standing there and did not care to explain what she said and why she said.

She also created lot of misunderstandings between me and my husband by often telling him how disrespectful I am (as unlike her I don't treat my husband as god instead we have always been like friends).

I overheard her once talking to her daughter against me (I wasn't eavesdropping, she didn't know I was in the kitchen while she was sitting in the lounge) I told my hubby i don't like this behaviour but nothing resulted out of it.

My husband too behaved very indifferently while his mum was here, he would fight with me for stupid reasons and would come to the room after 11pm after putting his mum to sleep and after coming to the room, he would just go off to sleep without asking me if I needed anything. So I was kind of all by myself and in a shock as I had never seen this side of my husband, he was always caring and loving instead I was just amazed how he took care of me throughout the pregnancy.

So while his mother was still here, I went out with my husband and told him how alone I am feeling and also how his mum's behaviour is quite disturbing. He understood everything but could not do much hence things continued in a similar fashion till the day she was with us.

To make my mother in law feel at home, I used to sit in the lounge area from morning till dinner and even fed my bub sitting in front of her while she used to be busy on her phone throughout the day. I would get an answer only if would ask something but she never initiated any conversation. I started feeding in a different room only after my father in law also joined us as did not feel comfortable feeding in front of him.

So as a result, few days back my husband's sister called me and accused me of not spending time with their parents as I was either busy feeding bub or putting him to sleep. According to her, I should have introduced bottle and formula rather than exclusively breast feeding as this would have allowed me to spend time with their parents.

Now when his parents are gone back to India, his mother acts very pricey as if I was the culprit. She would never call me as she used to before. I just don't feel like talking to her anymore and this whole episode has created some unsaid space between me and my partner as well.

I always stood by his side and sacrificed my well established carrer in India, and even after moving to Australia, i left 3 different permanent jobs just to follow him around as he had to change a couple of jobs and all of them were in different States.

After she left, we fought for weeks on and off and though my partner has realised his mistakes now, i am still taking my time to feel at ease.
Has anyone of you had any similar experiences and how did you get rid of the negative thoughts as this used to be one happy family and now everyone has something or the other in their hearts.

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